Agents of the Happy Grackle
A collection of mostly true facts about these strange, strange people
Legend has it that the first gathering of what would come to be known as The Happy Grackle Trading Venture took place in the misty hills at Corrán Tuathail, under the cloud-strewn dark of Samhain eve, in the year 851. Legend, however, is not always the most accurate of sources.
What is known for certain is that the earliest written reference to what was then known as Ye Happey Grackkle Trading Ad-Venture Troupe & General Healthe-Tonick Sales-Folke dates to an English court record from about 1624 concerning “Charlatans, Summoners, & Dealers in Questionable Goodes.” The Happy Grackles appear by name only in a footnote on page seven, accompanied by the annotation “These most Unruly Folke do deale in many Goodes and Produckts of a Suspiciously Varied Nature.”
Despite this shaky start, though, the Happy Grackles managed to not only survive, but (eventually) prosper—aided no doubt by the development in 1761 of mechanized trans-dimensional travel (actually a lesser-known by-product of the development of the steam engine). Previously, such other-worldly excursions were only possible through the use of notoriously unpredictable powers, and few Agents of the Grackle were willing or able to undertake such journeys.
Over time, the Grackles branched out into many fields, from weaponsmithing to fine arts, often employing arcane skills and exotic materials collected through their continual world-hopping travels. It is also believed that the invention of time travel in the 1890s allowed them to begin routine forays into the past, in order to pre-emptively arrange markets for their goods, as well as to provide a continued sales venue for older product lines that had become obselete by the modern era.
They eventually exited the lucrative but increasingly crowded field of fine magical potions in the early 1900s, and began focussing more on the art literature which was becoming popular around that time. They also garnered fame for their explorations of exotic worlds; a number of best-selling works of science fiction and fantasy in the 20th century are rumored to have been based on the original travel journal accounts of Happy Grackle adventurers, although the Grackles officially deny this (probably out of modesty).
Despite epic gains in wealth and stature (including, at one point, reportedly owning at least four prominent European nations), by the close of the 20th century, the Happy Grackles had declined in scope to a small but dedicated crew, their financial stores utterly drained. Little is known regarding what turn of fortunes led to this; it seems clear, though, that it probably involved a series of poor investments in the early ’70s. When pressed on the issue, an official Grackle spokesperson would only reply, “Plastics.”
By the early 2000s, realizing that they had by this point only one trained exomancer and not even a single functional Ætheric Traversal Engine (having had to sell off their lone remaining steam-powered phlogiston reactor in 1993), the Happy Grackles decided to refocus on smaller markets, and began plying their trade at various fandom conventions (their first appearance being at A-Kon in Dallas, Texas in around 1997, though they did not officially appear under the Happy Grackle banner until some years later).
These days, the brave (but generally not prosperous) members of the centuries-old troupe work to craft entertaining (and sometimes even useful) products, ranging from comic books to fantasy weapons and armor. They also perform a number of more theatrical services at their live appearances, including but not limited to magical item identification, bestowing of blessings (or curses!), and rune-crafting.
The Happy Grackle Trading Venture is based in
Austin, Texas
— a city that is, in fact, quite full of
grackles.
They (the members, not the birds) can often be found on IRC on the channel
#grackle on the
EsperNet network. Please
stop by and chat with us sometime! 
Trained in many schools of magic, and gifted in the arcane art of prophecy, Molly is the force behind many of the Grackles’ more esoteric goods. She is also the cartographer of our fine line of fantasy and adventure maps and the instigator behind our various art projects.
At conventions, Molly is the principal agent of the more interactive aspects of our booth, including magical item identifications, bestowing of blessings, rune-crafting, and the issuing of prophecy. She has also been known to show up in tight black leather and threaten people with a riding crop, for no readily discernable reason. This is not officially a part of her duties, but the customers often seem to appreciate it anyway.
In addition to her sorcerous and artistic duties, Molly is also the Grackle in charge of the day-to-day business operations of the troupe, including arranging convention appearances, managing funds, and dealing with the royal tax-collectors. She also created and maintains this finest of web sites that you are now reading.
Trained on Mars by the Adeptus Mechanicus, Wiznork serves as the master craftsman and weaponsmith of the Happy Grackles. He is basically single-handedly responsible for the entirety of our fantasy weapons and armor line, as well as for a large number of our other crafted goods. Also, he mows the lawn at our secret lair.
An avid fan of robots and model kits, it is rumored that Wiznork is covertly constructing a 1:1-scale, fully-functional MS-06 Zaku in a secret workshop below his bedroom.
In his free time, Wiznork enjoys browsing message boards, researching the latest Games Workshop minis and model kits, and playing games online with his friends. He is possibly the only person ever to have completely won World of Warcraft. Twice.
An expert at virtually all game-related things, Carolyn actually has a doctorate in Nintendo®. She has memorized the color palettes of over 80% of all games of the 8-bit era, and can recreate most NES game sprites from memory with pixel-perfect accuracy. Her favorite pizza topping is mushroom, largely because it reminds her of Super Mario Bros.
Carolyn is the Grackle behind most, if not all, video-game-themed products produced by the Venture. She is also responsible for at least 95% of all duct-tape-based cosplay that you might have witnessed at our table at a convention; but that is another story entirely.
When Kelmar enters a room, the lights flicker, shadows deepen, and unlucky bystanders might even hear the distant, mournful wails of tormented souls, crying out from some farther plane. Also, it starts to smell like bananas. Honestly, we have no idea why.
An internationally famous* Furry artist, Kelmar routinely spends every waking hour (and even a few not-entirely-awake hours) at a convention working desperately to finish the commissions that he inevitably takes on, despite vowing to “not accept so many requests this time.” Thanks to his ability to go for days at a time without any real sleep, he actually often ends up finishing most of these before the convention ends.
When he is not drawing pictures of terrifying anthropomorphic creatures or ancient presidents, Kelmar spends his free time programming, gaming, and serving his cat, Bast.
* He has talked to people from Canada before, on IRC.
